suffocating strife

It’ll all come out yet, in a fit of rage
You won’t see me snap a second before I go down
These things I feel at night
The self same things that will be my ultimate demise
I sit in my hiding room
And I ruminate all the evil things I’d wanted to do
And all the evil things I did do.
These things I feel at night
Keep me from running to tell you what I feel
They would worm their way into my words
You’d see how sick I’ve been
How I think about people
About myself.
If it were to materialize
I’d be almost entirely submerged
Except my lips and eyes.
I taste the horror
I witness the horror
But I have no strength or function in my body
To end this painful life.